Saturday. Move furniture out of front room. Take old carpet up. Sand skirting boards, window and doors. Have ham sandwiches for dinner. Nip into town. Choose magnolia because it’s cheap and looks okay. Get a roller and brushes. Go home with a sense of purpose. Wipe all surfaces down. Talk about tomorrow. Eat chips and curry sauce from Chinky across the road. Drink a bottle of Blue Nun. Talk more about tomorrow.

Sunday. Put first coat on walls. Put first coat on skirting boards, window and doors. Have spread cheese on crumpets for dinner. Make love on bare floorboards. Put second coat on walls. Put second coat on skirting boards, window and doors. Stand back and say Looks okay, doesn’t it. Talk about tomorrow. Feel happy and accomplished.

Monday. Move stepladders, paint pots etc, out of front room. Measure floor. Nip into town. Buy cheap brown carpet. Laugh at effort of loading carpet into car. Tie boot down with Billy’s belt. Have cheese sandwiches for dinner. Lay carpet. Feel happy. Smells nice, doesn’t it. Make love on carpet. Laugh whilst wiping little wet patch up with tea-towel. Bring furniture back in. Hang curtains. Feel happy and accomplished. Drink four cans of Stella. Talk about being happy and staying happy. Go to bed and sleep with spines touching all night.

Tuesday. Open envelope addressed to Billy. Shout GET IN! Talk about new job at builder’s merchant as a new start towards everything being right and good. Talk about being happy and staying happy. Talk about no more fuck-ups. Sit in newly painted front room that smells of carpet. Drink coffee with morning sunlight stretched in golden oblong across both your bare feet.